I suppose I’ll be starting to write a little bit every day now for #100DaysToOffload. I’m not really sure how this will go, but it does make me feel oddly good to do one of these “do something for x amount of days to get better at y” challenges. I’m not sure I’ll have the time to make any of these posts very good at all, but at least they’ll exist. Maybe just for myself, or maybe not! Perhaps some of you random internet folks will enjoy hearing about my days.
I’m thinking a lot about 2020 lately. What I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to go, who I was supposed to be with. I planned on one of two things — either I’d hike the Appalachian Trail, or I’d go to Colombia or Peru to become fluent in Spanish and practice work exchange for a couple months. Due to COVID-19, neither of these things came to fruition. Instead, I spent three months feeling isolated while living with four of my closest friends, right after graduating from college.
I still don’t have a job that has anything to do with my degree, and we’re nearing a year after graduation. I guess that’s just how this sort of thing goes, but honestly I feel pathetic and angry. I spent $280k on university for this? (Not out-of-pocket — most was in scholarship, then loans, then a tiny amount of money from family.) I’d like to not think I am just stupid — I mean, I went to a top college, have multiple years of research experience, and got to work with a Kavli award winner on theoretical neuroscience research. But I do feel stupid. Hopefully this shall come to pass, and I’ll one day feel capable and intelligent. Hopefully.